I tried, I really tried
Sep. 25th, 2008 11:41 pm... but life was complicated, to put it into nice words. No yellow chrysanthemes for certain people, although I feel like sending some. But I couldn't bare the consequences. Cleaning up afterward is always such a mess. I love my sense for sarcasm - pure self-defense. And this is not the right place to bitch about the fact that it's my ex-boyfriend who married last weekend (the first in my circle of "friends" who's married btw)
And I'm getting back on track asap. I figured that I'll never get the damn excuse for that certain night. Daniel, if you think about it ... I'm still waiting for that fucking excuse for that certain moment. When you promised my mom to take care of me. The minutes after I tried to commit suicide. After you made me throw up.
The moments, when I lie on the bed my parents made us as present when we moved into the apartment. The bed you still have, the bed you fuck her on.
You told my mom, that you would take care of me. My mom, who was close to jumping into her car, driving to Münster that certain night. You said, you would be there for a woman who completely freaked out. Who was insane at this certain point.
You weren't. You spent your time talking to Manu. Points for you.
The only chance I had to tell you how pissed I was about this, was at your b-day. Bad timing. Not the right time to ask for an excuse.
Not, when all your friends were there. Not when you could tell me, how silly I behave when I'm drunk. Yeah, thanks ... you know how to push my Buttons. You always knew.
It's 2 years ago that we split up ... and you still know it. And for some reason it still hurts. Not envy. I really thought about it... it's not envy. It's the damn excuse I'm waiting for. And what I'll never get. That's what pisses me off.
All I want to hear is a 'Sorry' for this fucked up night.
And don't dare to mention that it was the first time ever that I raised my hand. That I knocked down your damn glasses, when my hand met your face.
I did.
And yes - at this certain moment it felt oh so good.
And this is fucked up open therapy. There are always two sides of the story. And mine must not be the correct one. I've messed up tons of stuff. And for sure, I'm not the innocent victim in this story ... all I want is an fucking excuse for this certain night. An excuse for the fact that he promised my mom to take care of me and he didn't.
He promised that to my mother!!!
One of the reasons why he should never ever meet my dad again.
I would love to return to senseless stuff - fanfiction, drawings, icons etc
But a) I'm kind of drunk -half a bottle of bordaux takes its due
and b) I needed to type it down
And I'm getting back on track asap. I figured that I'll never get the damn excuse for that certain night. Daniel, if you think about it ... I'm still waiting for that fucking excuse for that certain moment. When you promised my mom to take care of me. The minutes after I tried to commit suicide. After you made me throw up.
The moments, when I lie on the bed my parents made us as present when we moved into the apartment. The bed you still have, the bed you fuck her on.
You told my mom, that you would take care of me. My mom, who was close to jumping into her car, driving to Münster that certain night. You said, you would be there for a woman who completely freaked out. Who was insane at this certain point.
You weren't. You spent your time talking to Manu. Points for you.
The only chance I had to tell you how pissed I was about this, was at your b-day. Bad timing. Not the right time to ask for an excuse.
Not, when all your friends were there. Not when you could tell me, how silly I behave when I'm drunk. Yeah, thanks ... you know how to push my Buttons. You always knew.
It's 2 years ago that we split up ... and you still know it. And for some reason it still hurts. Not envy. I really thought about it... it's not envy. It's the damn excuse I'm waiting for. And what I'll never get. That's what pisses me off.
All I want to hear is a 'Sorry' for this fucked up night.
And don't dare to mention that it was the first time ever that I raised my hand. That I knocked down your damn glasses, when my hand met your face.
I did.
And yes - at this certain moment it felt oh so good.
And this is fucked up open therapy. There are always two sides of the story. And mine must not be the correct one. I've messed up tons of stuff. And for sure, I'm not the innocent victim in this story ... all I want is an fucking excuse for this certain night. An excuse for the fact that he promised my mom to take care of me and he didn't.
He promised that to my mother!!!
One of the reasons why he should never ever meet my dad again.
I would love to return to senseless stuff - fanfiction, drawings, icons etc
But a) I'm kind of drunk -half a bottle of bordaux takes its due
and b) I needed to type it down